3 Skills to Have in the Hybrid World

Nurturing Effective Leadership through Diverse Relationship Dynamics

Your FEVS Score is just the beginning - it’s a starting point, not a finish line. The data available to you in your FEVS Report should be utilized as the jumping off point for an Action Plan to strengthen your organization.

Setting healthy boundaries sounds so simple - I mean, you just close the computer and head home, right? You just tell your family you’re going for a walk and you head out the door! You just go to the grocery store and buy lots of fresh vegetables, and eat healthy! I mean, how hard can this be? Well, I’m sure you can relate - setting healthy boundaries can be challenging. And maintaining them can be even harder! And yet, obviously, maintaining healthy boundaries, in all areas of life, is an essential skill for sustaining our physical, mental, emotional, relational and spiritual well-being. Obviously this is an enormous topic, but let’s start with a concise list of fundamental strategies to set the foundation. Each of these could be unpacked into a topic of its own! Take ownership of your choices: Yup. It all starts with the fact - and I mean fact - that I am responsible for every single choice I make every day. I love to blame my boss, my wife, my kids, the dog - everyone and anyone I can think of - for my lack of boundaries. My boss made me stay late. My wife bought chocolate cake so I ate it. My kids needed help with their homework so I didn’t have time to exercise. Nope. I could have told my boss that I’d complete it tomorrow. I could have asked my wife to not buy the cake, or decided to not eat it. I could have set a time with my kids to work on homework - right after my walk. Every action I take is a consequence of choices I am making. It all starts there. Identify your limits: Building on this foundation, the next step is to identify my own limits. If I’m not honest with myself about what makes me feel uncomfortable or stressed, or how much I can accomplish in a day, or how much self-discipline I do or don’t have, I’ll never be able to communicate these boundary requests to others. Identifying my own limits is the beginning of understanding what boundaries I need to set and where to draw the line. Practice self-care: Setting healthy boundaries requires self-care. It’s about prioritizing time for yourself, your family, and your overall mental, physical and emotional well-being. Have you ever flown on a commercial flight? What do they tell you to do if the oxygen mask falls from the ceiling? “Put your own oxygen mask on first. Then assist others.” It’s not selfish - it’s the best thing for everyone . Understand your worth: Remember that you deserve to be treated with respect and that setting boundaries is a way to protect your well-being and honor your self-worth. Change your behavior - not theirs: This is a tricky one. I constantly slip into thinking that in order to have healthy boundaries I have to change others’ behaviors. This is a trap! In fact, setting healthy boundaries is about changing my behavior, not theirs. I need to figure out what behavior I need to change, and then set my boundaries accordingly. I can ask my wife to not buy the cake, that's fine. But if she does, then it's up to me to not eat it! I can tell my boss that I will be wrapping up work at 5pm, and request that she not give me assignments after that time. But it’s up to me to not keep working until 10pm! [See Therapy in a Nutshell] Face the consequences: I know what you’re thinking: “But if I don’t work until 10pm to finish that assignment, my boss will be frustrated and he’ll give the promotion to Bob and then I’ll be expendable and then I’ll get fired and then we’ll be homeless!” Really? So many of my boundary issues stem from fear. Of course we don’t call it fear - we call it “concern” or “worry” - but it’s the same thing. I’m concerned my wife will be upset if we discuss the cake situation. I’m worried that my kids will be disappointed if I don’t help Communicate assertively: Once I identify where my limits are, and I know what behavior I need to change myself, I now need to communicate these boundaries respectfully, and assertively, to others. Use "I" statements instead of "you" statements, and be clear and direct about your needs, and explain why you’re changing your behavior. It’s not to spite them or to make them angry or cause them trouble. It’s to maintain your own health and wellbeing, and that of your family, and even your boss and colleagues! “I will need to sign off at 5pm each day in order to support my family and help my kids with their homework.” is a healthy boundary statement, rather than, “Stop sending me assignments after 5pm!”. That blames my boss and abdicates my responsibility for my choices. Explain your “why” : When you make a boundary request, or explain that you’ll be changing your behavior, don’t just make an abrupt pronouncement. Explain why you’re making the request and/or changing your behavior. “My dear, I would really appreciate it if you didn’t buy the cake, because I really struggle with self-discipline and I’m so tempted to eat the whole thing!”. “Hey kids, I won’t be helping you with your homework right when I get home, because I need to exercise first in order to maintain my health and sanity. Then I’ll help you at 7pm right after dinner!” Be open to compromise: Don’t state your boundary request as a “demand” (unless the situation is severe, and you need to be more assertive and clear). Consider the other person's perspective and ideally, find a solution that works for both of you. A little empathy can go a long way: “I realize this means you won’t get the response as quickly, but I can assure you I’ll take care of it by Monday.” Be consistent: Consistency is key when it comes to maintaining healthy boundaries. Stick to your boundaries, even if it means saying no to something you would normally say yes to. There will probably be some negative consequences at times - my boss may not be thrilled that I’m not finishing that task tonight, or my kids won’t be happy that I’m not helping them with their homework right away. But the long-term benefits to everyone are more important than the short-term cost. Seek support: Seek support from friends, family, a pastor, counselor or therapist if you need help setting boundaries. They can provide guidance and help you practice setting boundaries in a safe and supportive environment. It’s not a sign of weakness to ask for help - it’s a sign of strength! You’re not giving up, and you are asking for what you need. Remember that setting healthy boundaries takes practice, and it's okay to make mistakes. Be kind and patient with yourself, and keep working towards creating a healthy and supportive environment for yourself, and therefore for others. John Riordan

Maintain your Health & Wellness: It all starts here. You are IT. You’re all you have. If you don’t take care of yourself, no one else will. 1. Get Good Sleep: Do NOT allow work crowd into your Sleep Space. Do Not work in bed. Make your sleep space a peaceful, healthy, restorative space. 2. Start with Something Positive: DO NOT read emails first thing in the morning! Start your day with inspiring, encouraging input! Listen to an inspiring message, talk, music – something that lifts your spirits and helps you get ready for the day! 3. Exercise, exercise, exercise: Try to get into an exercise routine in the morning. Get a friend or family member in on it with you! Do a virtual workout together. Join a group, etc. And if the morning just doesn’t work for you, pick some other time in the day that does. Or, if you’re a ‘free spirit’, then give yourself the freedom to jump up and exercise whenever the spirit moves! Do It! 4. Have a Morning Routine: Start the day the same way I would if I was going into the office: shower, get dressed, eat breakfast, and act like I was going to work. That puts me in the mindset of ‘work’ versus the mindset of ‘oh man, I’m at home on a computer!’ Waking up and starting your morning routine. Wake up, shower, eat breakfast, drink coffee, and change out of your pajamas! I find that the longer I stay in my pajamas the less likely any work will get done. 5. Eat Right: You know you should. And you probably know what it means, without even looking up a new diet craze. Get the Junk Out and get the Veggies In. 6. Drink a lot of water: It’s easy to start snacking throughout the day. Water helps control hunger and if you drink enough, the bathroom breaks will work as natural work pauses during the day. Snack on vegetables, or fruit. Keep the junk food out of the house. 7. Prioritize your mental & spiritual health: Invest in your mind and spirit. Pray, meditate, reflect (alone or with others, as is best for you). Listen to something inspiring, meditative, etc. Go To Work : OK – it’s time to dig in and crank out some great stuff! So, get going! 8. Get Dressed for Work: Get out of your pajamas and sweatpants. Get dressed every day, and by that I mean dress for work. Even go so far as to put on slacks and a dress shirt, if that’s your game. It was hard to do, and required discipline, but that worked for me for the time I was self-employed. 9. Learn when you are most productive: Are you best first thing in the morning? Then protect that time. Don’t set up meetings in the middle of your “best thinking” time. Set up “office hours”. Do you have an “afternoon lull”? Take a break, go for a walk, take a power nap, etc. Manage your energy, even more than you manage your time. 10. Set Work Hours: Set parameters – based on your best productivity time, or on the workload, or on what your team needs; but don’t start at 5:30am and just keep going till you collapse. That’s not sustainable. It’s a marathon, not a sprint. 11. Separate your workspace: Have a set, enclosed space in your home for your workspace. Make it feel distinctly different than the rest of your home. Don’t spend any of your off-work time there. If you don’t have a specific room, try designating a corner of the apartment or room to be your workspace. Get a divider or something to put up around you. 12. Create the Best Environment Possible: If you work well with background noise, put on some nice music. If you prefer silence, get noise-cancelling headphones. Put up beautiful art, pictures of family, inspiring quotes – whatever it is that energizes and encourages you. 13. Have the Best Tools Possible: If you were a carpenter, would you buy cheap tools? Have the best workstation you can afford. Get a desk at the right height (try a standing or even walking desk!), good monitor(s) at eye level, great lighting! 14. Minimize distractions: It’s fun to play with your dogs or kids instead of working, but they’ll distract you and keep you from doing your job. So, when it’s time to work, it’s time to work. Play with them when you take an intentional break. 15. Keep a Prioritized To-Do List: Keep a readily visible list of priorities. You may find that having a physical list might help you stay on track and focused. 16. Celebrate accomplishments: Reward yourself for accomplishing tasks – even little ones! And especially the ones you don’t enjoy. Don’t just keep adding more without celebrating achievements. Connect & Collaborate with Others: Be intentional about your engagement with others. Structure interactions such that they help you (and others), and don’t distract or detract from your productivity. 17. Stay Connected: Don’t let yourself drift away from your colleagues. Put a picture of your teammates on your wall or on your desk. Call to say hi. Ask how they’re doing. Remember, they’re people too. 18. Communicate, communicate, communicate: So much information disseminated over the cubicle walls that you have to really work at it to remain in the loop. Have check ins, report-outs, etc. as is helpful, but stay in the loop. 19. Use Technology to your Advantage: Explore what tools are best for what purposes. Watch YouTube clips on how to use them well. Don’t get stuck in a negative rut about technology. Get really good at it. 20. Collaborate, or Commiserate – but don’t do both at the same time. Engage with others, intentionally. If it’s about work, then keep it professional. But, there’s also a time to kick back, take off your shoes, have a beer together, and vent. Work and Play, but be clear about which one you’re doing. Know When to Stop: Maintaining work-life balance takes on a whole new meaning when you’re working from home. Don’t let your life become an endless sea of emails, calls and demands. 21. Know when to take breaks: Make sure you know when to step away from the (work) computer.. it’s all too easy for working hours to take over personal time when working from home and before you know it the day is over which eventually leads to the wife/kids/dogs all leaving you for someone who has more time for them. It is the fast track to burnout city. 22. Treat yourself: When you complete a task or reach a milestone, give yourself a healthy treat! Watch something funny, text a friend, have a healthy snack, etc. 23. Get out of the house: Be safe about where you go, but even if it’s just to go have lunch outdoors, walk, or go for a run — get out of the house. 24. Set Aside Time for Personal Development: Learn about something you LOVE. Learning a new software, or reading/watching YouTube videos on how to improve your skills. Do this at a specific time – don’t let it be a distraction from what you should be doing. 25. Mark the End of your Work Day – Turn the computer Off! Have a glass of wine or a beer, step outside – whatever works for you, but Turn Off the Work and Turn On your Life! John Riordan

In a time like this, remember: your people need to know that you care about them.

More and more teams are learning to work together remotely. Here are the 5 most essential tips for Virtual Teams.

If you know me, you know I am big on self awareness, and that I love Getting Stuff Done. There’s a great resource that hits on both of these points: “The Four Tendencies” by Gretchen Rubin. This book was recommended to me by a fantastic colleague and friend, Susie Baker, who not only is fluent in Russian poetry but is a creative force of nature. What I love about Rubin’s model is that it boils down to one thing: Getting Things Done . Closing the gap between intention and Action. Figuring out what motivates me - and others - to get things done by understanding what truly moves us into action. The Basics : Rubin defines two sets of expectations: 1. Internal Expectations: T hese are expectations you have of yourself - “I really ought to get in shape, I’d love to learn an instrument, I should go be a volunteer” vs. 2. External Expectations: These are expectations from others - “My client wants me to deliver X; my spouse would like me to do Y; my colleague would appreciate my assistance with Z.” How we each respond to these expectations then leads to the 4 Tendencies: 1. Upholders: Respond readily to both Internal and External Expectations 2. Questioners: Respond to Internal Expectations, but question expectations that come from others. 3. Obligers: Respond readily to External Expectations, but have a hard time implementing their own Internal Expectations; that is, expectations that they have of themselves. 4. Rebels: Resist both external and internal expectations - they thrive on doing what inspires them in the moment. My Story: The Four Tendencies has had an immediate impact on my productivity. It was a HUGE “Lightbulb moment” to realize that I am an Obliger - I am highly motivated by External Expectations, but have a very hard time implementing my own expectations of myself, when no one else is involved. I’ve been beating myself up for 50 years thinking, “I just need to be more self-disciplined, use better time management, focus on the priorities…” Now that I realize that I respond most readily to external expectations, I see that the key is involving someone else. The very fact that I am writing this article is due to the fact that my Executive Assistant, Jorie Gelnett, is sitting next to me making me do this! I want to do it, but I wouldn’t actually do it unless she encourages (aka yells at) me to Get It Done. I used to jog on occasion (as in 2 or 3 miles, tops), but never had a goal and couldn’t motivate myself to set a goal or achieve any specific accomplishment. A great friend, Ryan (Blanding) Dlugash, tricked me into signing up for the Marine Corps Marathon. Knowing that he was “watching me”, I trained, extended my capacity infinitely beyond what I imagined possible, and successfully completed the marathon. Realizing that I thrive on external involvement / accountability with others has been life-changing - literally. Whether working out, staying organized, or building a consulting practice - engaging others motivates me to do the things I need to do to achieve the goals I want to achieve. Your Story: What moves you into taking action toward the goals you want to achieve? What seems to get in your way? Where do you need to set healthy boundaries? If you don’t know the answers to these basic questions, you are operating with a blindfold on. Not only does this lack of awareness hinder your own effectiveness, but it impacts all those around you. Effective leadership involves understanding yourself and those you work with. This model can help you with both. I love how simple, insightful, and above all useful, the Four Tendencies model is. You can apply the tendencies to the singular goal of getting things done, and you can also utilize the insights to strengthen your personal and working relationships. Does one of the Tendencies seem to fit fairly well for you? If not, is there a different model that you’ve found useful to understand what motivates you and what hinders you? Here’s to the journey! JR